Bonded
by Druzhnik
Summary: Shepard wakes up after destroying the Reapers but is pulled back into angsty visions of the events that led up to the destruction of life as she knew it. Now she finds herself broken, battered, and completely alone.
1. Chapter 1

She woke with a gasp and gulped in the dusty air that blanketed her. Darkness surrounded her, activating senses other than her sight. She became vaguely aware of her ears alternating between a deafening ringing and an eerie silence. The air smelled rotten and burning; a putrid scent that invaded her nostrils and stuck there, unrelenting. She barely suppressed the urge to puke. Her free hand groped the space around her. She was lying on something hard, angular blocks covering her sides and the lower part of her body. Her hand went up to feel her face and hit her helmet with a dull _thud_. She fingered it for any breaches and discovered that the part covering her eyes was there no longer. Her nose was wet and felt grainy. She pulled her hand back and tried to focus her thoughts. They escaped her.

A childlike ghost appeared in her mind's eye. She immediately felt anger. Had it been a dream? No. It had been real.

_The Catalyst._

She remembered now. A red beam growing, rising in power. The power of extermination. She had been scared. Somehow, she knew that. But scared of what? It eluded her. She needed to focus more, harder. That felt familiar.

Another ghost appeared next to the Catalyst. It was a man with a dark complexion. He was wearing a baseball cap. Solemn eyes looked at her. His lips parted and he spoke, but she couldn't hear what he was saying. The ringing in her ears swelled to a boom in her vision as she desperately fought to hear the man's voice. She knew it was important to listen, but she couldn't. She tried to tell him to speak louder, but her voice refused to cooperate. Her throat burned and ached in agitation. She felt powerless. She couldn't reach him in time. Couldn't help him.

_Help with what?_

He died. As his apparition dissolved, she tried to scream. Let him know he had to stay. Let him know that she needed him, though she wasn't sure why. But she was powerless.

Another man appeared. This man was well-groomed and well-dressed, a cigarette casually placed in his hand. His smile sent a jolt of revulsion through her and she had to fight back the bile rising in her stomach. His eyes twinkled as he regarded her coolly. The ringing in her ears stopped.

"We brought you back for this."

The Catalyst smiled too, now. Three colors appeared in front of her: red, blue, green. She tried to point at the red color, but the blue hue intensified. The well-groomed man smiled again and tapped his cigarette. Its rapidly cooling ashes covered her face and her breathing became more laboured. Her throat felt raw. She spat out something sticky and hard.

"We know you like blue. It has always been your only choice."

She didn't know what he was referring to, but anger flared up in her again. She wanted to tell him to shut up and leave her alone. Tell him that he wasn't pulling the strings, not anymore. He didn't get to tell her what she liked and what she had to do. He was not in control.

_Control._

Blue light blinded her vision and the man exploded. No, he hadn't been in control, something had been controlling him. But what? She looked again at the Catalyst. It stood unmoving between red and green. It called out to her.

"Shepard."

She supposed that's who she was. It did sound familiar. She nodded at the Catalyst. It seemed like the right thing to do, somehow. Suddenly the green disappeared and everything became red. She was Shepard. She hadn't chosen blue. She had chosen red. The red beam of extermination. It coursed through the air like her blood coursed through her veins. Then, it disappeared into the night sky, taking the Catalyst with it. She hung suspended in the air, a heavy weight crushing her chest and the left side of her body.

And then she fell.

Gravity pulled her down, pulling and pulling, accelerating her fall and making her head spin. She tried to suck in the air around her but it was growing heavier. She had to hold on to herself, she couldn't die like this. Not again. Not without…

_Liara._

The thought hit her just as she hit the ground. Her body pulled her back in but this time she stayed awake. She thought she remembered what Liara looked like. She tried to focus on reconstructing Liara's image in her mind so she wouldn't pass out. Her breathing subsided, though it still wasn't easy. Every breath of air was accompanied by a rasping pain. Something was still burning.

She moved her free hand to her face again and felt her lips. They were covered by a dust that felt cool against her fingertips. She brushed the dust off her lips and held her hand under her nose. She recognized the scent immediately.

_Ashes_.

Her eyes shot open but she still couldn't see. A murky darkness shrouded her vision, letting in only a very small flicker of light. The light itself was weak, but she hung onto it as her only beacon. She knew she had to move. Her ears picked up the crackling of flames nearby. She tried to move her legs and found that they were immobilised. Feeling for her legs with her free hand, she found the rubble of stones covering her lower body. She lifted one stone and then realized it would be easier if she could dig with both her hands. But her left hand wouldn't move for some reason. She figured it was probably covered in rubble as well.

Gliding her right hand over her chest and onto her left shoulder, she searched for the first sign of whatever was paralyzing her left side. Her eyes could still only pick up the faintest light and so she couldn't see what it was. She slid her hand further down her shoulder. It touched mud.

There was nothing there.

She panicked. Her breath wheezed as her right hand desperately searched for her left. It met only sand, metal wires, and more stone. A sticky wetness covered her shoulder and the greater part of her left side. She pulled her hand back and thought she could see something red, but she couldn't be sure. Her mind caught up to her senses and realized her left arm was gone. She told herself to steady her breathing, be calm. The breathing exercises she had mastered long ago kicked in and slowed her heart rate. The crackling of flames and a slowly nearing heat reminded her that she still had to get out of here.

Now sobbing, she freed her legs from the rubble and attempted to move them. They did.

_Thank the Goddess._

Her soft whimpers turned into tears freely flowing from unseeing eyes. Her mouth produced a croaky howl. As she struggled to stand up, a wave of nausea hit her and she doubled over. She emptied her stomach and tasted iron. She didn't know if she was bleeding from her mouth or whether the blood had already been there. She couldn't care now. She had to move. Had to survive.

Scrambling from object to object she removed herself from…she didn't know where. She could only move in the direction her instinct told her to take. Or was it even instinct? Survival was instinctual, but this, this was something else. It was a bond.

She was Sara Shepard.

"Liara, where are you?"

* * *

><p><em>AN: I don't really know what this is yet (one-shot or not?). All I can say is that the piece sort of wrote itself and I finally decided to upload it. Thanks for reading :)_


	2. Chapter 2

The Normandy's airlock opened with a soft click, revealing a human figure. The figure shuffled forward, shoulders hunched in sadness. A baseball cap perched unevenly on the figure's head, threatening to tumble to the planet's moss-covered surface.

Jeff looked up and scanned his surroundings without really taking them in. All he could see was EDI's lifeless form in the co-pilot's seat. When the Normandy crash-landed, the other crew members rejoiced. The red beam took everything offline, meaning the end of the reapers. And…EDI.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. It applied but the slightest of pressures, and Jeff turned his face just enough to see Ashley standing there, looking at him. "I'm sorry." Her voice was quiet. She lightly squeezed his shoulder, careful not to dislodge any bones. Jeff hung his head and he felt himself tearing up. He'd never thought he'd get so attached to someone else, let alone an AI. But he'd grown very fond of EDI. More so than of anyone else. He silently cursed Shepard for doing what she'd done. A tear dropped to the planet's surface.

* * *

><p>Ashley removed her hand from Jeff's shoulder and allowed him to mourn in silence. She descended the few steps to the planet's surface and looked around. The air was humid, but breathable. They'd been lucky. Leafy greens surrounded the Normandy from all sides. Ashley realized the planet's dense foliage must have cushioned their landing. Luck, again? Or had Shepard known more than she'd let on all along? Her instructions had led them to plot a course specifically for this planet. With a pang of regret Ashley understood that, in the events running up to the battle on Earth, Shepard must've done her utmost to prepare the crew enough to keep them alive, while she herself most likely ended up giving her life. Ashley had been one of the few to see the Reapers either destroyed by the beam or at least disabled by it. She'd also seen many ships being pulled towards the exploding relays. The Normandy had just been far enough away from the nearest relay. No, Shepard had increased their luck, but they'd definitely been lucky. Even their Commander couldn't have known what would happen.<p>

Her musings were interrupted when Garrus cleared his throat next to her. His once proud posture was now bowed. No doubt he was thinking similar thoughts. "You think she's alive?" he asked, confirming her suspicions.

Ashley studied her feet, unsure what to say. "I hope so." She paused to study the turian. "How's Tali?"

Garrus couldn't help but widen his mandibles in a slight smile at hearing Tali's name. "She's doing alright. Said she had something important to do. Shepard's orders."

Ashley frowned. "What orders?"

Garrus shrugged. "Hell if I know. She can be as secretive as Shepard herself. You should go ask her. You're in command now, after all." He looked at her intently.

_Fuck._ Ashley's eyes widened as his words hit her. _I'm in command. Shit._ She'd not thought about that yet. Frankly, she didn't want to be in command, either. But someone had to be. She hastily nodded at Garrus and turned around to go back into the ship to gather the crew and find Tali. Pausing, she reached out to the turian and pointed at Jeff. "Watch over him."

* * *

><p>Tali found Samantha Traynor already hunched over EDI's lifeless form. The Specialist lifted her head as the quarian approached, a smile carved into her face. "I think we stand a chance," she said brightly. Tali grinned behind her mask, then nodded at Samantha.<p>

"Let's turn her back on! Can you get Joker in here? We need the Normandy's drive up and running if we want to reboot EDI."

Tali opened a small hatch under EDI's left foot as Samantha trotted out to find their pilot. She returned a few minutes later, followed by a very hesitant Jeff. He eyed both of them warily while keeping his distance.

"What's going on?" he asked hoarsely.

"Joker, we've been working on a contingency shutdown and reboot for EDI in case something like this would happen. Commander Shepard asked us to make sure EDI's software could 'pretend' to be organic for a brief period of time. She suspected something would possibly happen to synthetics, seeing as that's what this whole Reaper war sort of was about. So we've been working on that and we think it succeeded. We want to try to reboot EDI but we need the Normandy's drive core to be running for that." Tali explained.

Jeff's mouth opened in shock. An angry frown covered his face. "And you didn't tell me?" He shouted.

Samantha cringed. She'd tried to convince the Commander to tell Joker about their plan, but Shepard had been adamant about not telling anyone who didn't need to know. Something about the risks being too severe and not wanting to get Jeff's hopes up. "Commander Shepard forbade us to tell you," she squeaked. Tali nodded solemnly.

Jeff shook his head, angrily muttering under his breath. Then, he slowly walked over to the pilot's seat and sat down. His hands remained in his lap, quivering.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Tali asked impatiently as she hopped from one foot to another. She was very excited to see whether their hard work had paid off. It would be one of her greatest accomplishments yet. And EDI's and Traynor's, of course. Without their help, she'd have been lost.

"She's not our Commander anymore." Jeff answered. "Ashley is."

"That's right," Ashley's voice sounded behind them. She didn't seem too happy about it. "What are you guys doing?"

Tali explained the whole thing again. The dark-haired woman simply nodded thoughtfully. Tali wished Ashley's face would reveal what she was thinking, but she'd become very good at hiding her thoughts after the whole affair with Udina. And she'd learned from the best, after all. Shepard had always been an excellent poker player.

"Do it." Ashley finally said. She leaned back to give them the room they needed. Jeff's face lit up as hope settled in his stomach.

Several minutes later, Tali felt warmed by the Normandy's familiar hum as the drive core sprang back to life. She knew they'd have to be quick; the ship didn't have much power left. They needed EDI to make necessary repairs before they could replace empty fuel cells with the ones they'd stocked up on — Shepard's orders as well — to really get the Normandy working again. Right now the ship's power was hooked up to an emergency generator, causing the lights to work without requiring an active drive core. However, the generator wasn't enough to reboot EDI and the drive core would fail quickly. She gave pointers to Samantha while working on changing several wires in EDI's hardware. It wouldn't be long now.

Samantha adjusted one last setting in EDI's software and leaned back expectantly. A gruelling minute passed. Then another one. And another.

Jeff's face fell as his hope deflated.

Suddenly, EDI's eyes opened and she moved her head to look at Jeff. His smile beamed as he threw his arms around her.

"Careful, Jeff. You don't want me to shut down again, do you?"

Jeff pulled back instantly, grunting as if he sprained a bone. EDI's mechanical chuckle resonated through the bridge. "That was a joke."

* * *

><p>One by one they filed into the CIC. Many pairs of eyes watched Ashley expectantly, waiting for her to say something. She'd chosen not to stand in Shepard's familiar spot in front of the — now defunct — galaxy map. She never asked to take Shepard's place. The Commander had just made her XO in case something would happen to her. Ashley's eyes fell on EDI. <em>How much of what was going to happen had she really known?<em> She looked around the room, studying unscathed faces and counting heads. Thirty-two. She frowned.

"EDI, how many crew should be present?" she asked.

"Thirty-three, Commander."

Ashley winced at the title. _Thirty-three._ "We're missing someone. EDI, can you perform a quick scan?"

"Acknowledged."

Ashley scanned the room again. Everyone was glancing around uncertainly, trying to determine who of their fellow crew was missing. Garrus, towering over everyone else, suddenly stepped forward and cleared his throat. He and EDI spoke at the same time.

"We are missing a life pod."

"Where's Liara?"


End file.
